All that happiness that was floating around me has disappeared, I knew it wouldn't last. It's all my fault as well, now I know it couldn't be helped but still.. I told Charlie I'd rather be friends with him. I just have this image of him being really sad and this is what upsets me, I hate to make people sad, I'm an annoying person, but I'm not Hitler.
Another reason is that I just can't get Mexico out of my head, it's there and staying. It's worse at night, the memories come back and I need to be there, at night before I go to sleep I don't have the thoughts buzzing around in my heads, the ideas, the plans about my future, whilst at night I always think about the past, reflect on my life, think about what I've done. In the day I think about my future. I expect the feeling will get less over time but right now I long to be back in the sun, with the people I feel most comfortable with. My family. I expect it will be harder to sleep tonight with the extra niggles.
Right, now I've let it all out, I'm gunna sort myself out, get a grip, if Hitler had cried like this he would have failed earlier in WW2.
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Dear Beth..